A phenomenal pageant

Phenomenal, the glitter was blinding. The fun began behind the scenes, where the “misses” were being “mounted”. To “mount”, in drag terminology, means to mutate from John to Mary.

The process consists of applying large wigs, big eyelashes, makeup and a lot of gloss on the lips, in addition to makeup and some sort of spray on the thighs and buttocks to look good at the beachwear pageant.

Fifteen transvestites, ages ranging from 18 to 28, represented different Brazilian states at the fifteenth edition of the Miss Brasil Transex pageant. Miss Tocantins, amid other contestants who fought over a place in front of the mirror, was preparing herself.

“She” is dark-complexioned, slim very sympathetic, and has a masculine face that the makeup could hardly disguise.

Measuring 6.2 ft, the miss was wearing a three story wig and platform shoes, which made her look 8.2 ft tall. “I’m nervous,” she said again and again, smearing makeup on “her” legs while rehearsing her waddle.

Miss Brasília, standing across the room, resembled a china doll – she seemed kind of dull.

With a very delicate face, wearing blue contact lenses, measuring 5.3 ft, 22 years old and slim, Cler Chicler complained about her hair.

“I went to the hair dresser and he ruined my hair. I had to cut it like this,” “she” lamented, showing the remaining short length of hair. However, the dark, flat hair wig she glued on did the trick.

Actresses, makeup artists, a gay bar owner and a fellow journalist for the CQC program who was there both to judge and to cover the story formed the eccentric panel of judges. Surgeon Paulo Branco who treats mostly homosexuals was also invited to be a judge.

The doctor took advantage of the occasion to promote his new book, “Manual da saúde gay” (Manual for the healthcare of gays.)  “Homosexuals take better care of their health than heterosexuals. They are not afraid to undergo manual prostate examination or anal surgery.

A heterosexual with hemorrhoids will only see a doctor when the thing is ugly and hanging down near his ankle,” he said somberly, pointing at his feet.

Sabiá poultice for hiding the bulge

The pageant begins. The “misses,” dressed in gold and silver coats, take the stage performing a jubilant choreography. A display of meaty lips, large breasts, long eye lashes and very high heel shoes and suddenly a tall blonde trips and falls.

The tranny falls right in front of the CQC reporter. “She” quickly gets back on her feet and resumes her show, a broad smile on her face. What a brave girl.

The first individual round was the swim suit competition. I asked myself how do the contestants hide their manhood inside a small bikini?

After all, a miss is a lady and ladies don’t have bulges between their legs. According to one of the contest’s producers, Rosana Star, the ladies fold their “things” back and tape them firmly. “You can’t see a thing,” she warrants.

A few days ago a fellow journalist from Rio Grande do Sul explained me that they use a Sabiá poultice, a very adhesive pain killer compress for the back that smells of camphor.

The girls in black swim suits and silver cloaks take the stage. They parade to the sound of an electronic version of The Gilr from Ipanema. No doubt Vinícius de Moraes and Tom Jobim would be sick to their stomachs.

Following a parade of perfect, and not so perfect bodies, the misses leave the runway. Drag queen Nany People summons to the stage the sweet, charismatic and good-humored Rosana Star.

The misses’ dreams: to undergo plastic surgery and to become rich

Born for the stage and totally comfortable at the microphone, Rosana talks about her family – her father, a military; her mother, a lesbian; her sister, also a transsexual – and quite a beautiful one indeed.

When referring to the judges and the few sponsors, the hostess asked the audience “a sound of applause.” The “sounds” were so extended that Nany People grabbed the microphone to hasten her colleague.

“Let’s move on before Ibama (Brazilian Environmental Institute) gets here and hunts us down.”

The pageant continues with two more shows, a transvestite doing a cover of Elba Ramalho and another of a song of an artist I can’t recall the name.

But I also can’t forget the size of the genital covers in the shape of a silver triangle – minimal! Long live the Sabiá poultice!

The nightgown parade came last, prior to the judges’ rulings. Wearing very fashionable, feathery, glittery gowns and cloaks, the “misses” take the stage.

While the contestants paraded, a CQC producers and I maliciously colluded over the possibility of one of them taking another fall.

There was too much fabric brushing high heel shoes. We were wrong, none of them fell. As the contestants loitered along the catwalk the hosts read the contestants’ profiles, which stated their weight, measures, wishes and dreams: “to get a college degree,” “undergo several plastic surgeries,” and other more objective wishes, such as “to get rich”.

Finally the winner is declared: the contestant who drew enthusiastic cheers every time she took the stage.

Hairstylist Fernanda Lima, age 27, was crowned beauty queen. She represented the state of Santa Catarina, which later she confessed to never having visited.

Not yet, anyway. The blonde beauty measures 1.78 meters and weighs 63 kg. She will have the honor to represent Brazil at the the World Transex Pageant, which will take place in Thailand.

Since I witnessed all the trouble and nervousness the contestants endured prior to the pageant, I wish her the best of luck and hope she shines bright. As Rosana would put it, “a sound of applause” for the lady!

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